> Recognize the gender-based violence

“These lines are for those women who have not yet stopped fighting. For those who believe that there is more to change, that the achievements are not yet sufficient, but dedicated especially to those who do NOT believe. To those who are surrendered and those convinced of being able to settle…”

“it still makes sense to be a feminist?”, article by Stefania Walnut, feminist activist killed on 27 December 2011 by her ex-boyfriend, Loris Gagliano, convicted in the court of appeal to life imprisonment.

Hello to all! I wanted to start this article with a phrase of a young woman, that è was able to grasp the essence of being a woman and how wonderful it would be to reach an equality of rights between man and woman, of how to be free women in a world still tied to a male-oriented culture.

But first things first, let me introduce myself: I am Blessed Guidarelli, a woman, a wife, a mother and a clinical psychologist. During my studies, and the growth of my profession, I “met” violence in its many forms and I have chosen to know it, to savor it, to fight it. And this blog was born from the desire of confrontation, where they can share without judgment the experiences, not to feel più the sun, by the desire to be a resource for women in need of help, to help, to learn and teach how to recognise violence. Not avrà an exclusively journalistic or news, but sarà a virtual place of reflection in the mind the desire to be a contribution for equality.

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we Enter in the merit and I would like to reflect on the first stories that brought us to 2017, as each new year full of hope but also of suffering women… the violence is to stop, and, behold, newspaper articles, and tv lounges that tell the stories that are now the order of the day. I am referring to Jessica Notaro and Ylenia Bonavera, two young women were attacked with acid and fire from their former comrades (the investigations are still in progress, but the tests seem to lead to them).

Two similar stories, but lived differently, Jessica had alreadyà reported in earlier his partner for the stalking, the “conquering” a precautionary measure, the prohibition approach, which, unfortunately, not è served to protect it; while Ylenia, for now, seems to not believe that would be him.

I Would like to reflect on the difference of vision of the two girls: Jessica has understood and experienced the violence, has searched for solutions, it is addressed to the authoritiesà to be protected, while Ylenia no. Appears in love, but she gets angry on live tv with his mother when the latter noted her disagreement relative to the protection of Ylenia towards her boyfriend.

Maybe this mother has seen something that a daughter in love, not able to observe, he noticed some attitude or phrase, or request that the alarm with respect to the incolumità of the daughter. Here I think is important to focus the focus on the observation of the men who we have next. It is not easy but it is possible to notice several attitudes and behaviors that put into action the violent men.

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Also LundyBancroft in his book”Men who abuse women,” (life in music: Editor) published in 2013, after twenty years of work with violent men, reports and returns as in the beginning are small and subtle, the signs of which a woman può do case”he”is critical of the your garments and the way to remedy it, he speaks so disrespectfully of his previous partners, it looks like a large, generous flaunts her behaviour, even if you attended just plan for the future, behaves with you in a different way if it is just with you or in public…but it is we women who need to raise the antennas, and to understand who we face with rationalityà and due diligence before jumping in his arms.

it Would be the incipit for a cultural shift is necessary, a prevention useful to avoid the need to immerse themselves in a cycle of violence from which it is difficult to get out.

In my opinion we need to sensitize and recognize the men are potentially violent, in my experience, this is a capacity, which develop the women who come out of the circuits of violence, have triggered alarm bells that make excellent hounds. But one should not force change for the victims to learn and teach how to protect themselves.

This is the message of this week. You can often see with unbelieving eyes of our partners, is so difficult and unthinkable that the person who is or has been next to get us così bad: “he becomes a monster, without thoughts, as if we svuotasse all. Maybe he has a disease […] Perhaps an alien shoves a tube and sucks away all of the brain at that moment, as he did with the weeping of my mother. Reasons not più.” From the book, Ilaria Drago “From the skin to the sky” (Avagliano Editore, 2008)

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Chissà if the considerations of Ylenia are right or naive…sure to observe with a critical eye. Chissà if the good behavior of the ex of Jessica has brought them to feel less in danger…

we Definitely need to continue the cultural revolution began, now, to have the strength to clear customs and traditions, the myths and the biblical quotes that depict the woman as a possession, subordinate, and often conniving behavior in the male.

With this I will not absolutely affirm that the male world is synonymous with violence, rather I would like just the opposite: well not deviate, the violent men from non-violent. But sometimes thereò that there is, among the exaggeration of a judgment, and respectability is the salvation of our life.

Blessed Guidarelli

January 29, 2017